LIVING WITH GRATITUDE . . .

Happy Easter!  Wow, did you ever have one of those weeks where so many things happen that it's hard to even sit and comprehend it?  That's been one of those weeks I've just had.  And, you know what I have learned (and have been learning)?  Is that we need to just be grateful for exactly where we are . . . exactly at this moment.

This has to do with dating and everything else in our life.  Can we just sit for a minute and think about all of the great things that we have and just be appreciative?  Usually, our thoughts are consumed with great things that we miss from our past or the great things we are striving for but, is there a time where you just sit and be quiet and appreciate exactly what you have . . . in this moment?  Grateful for the job that you have that puts food on the table, grateful for the people that you have that love and care for you in your life, grateful for your health and everything else in your life.  I found this on the internet and thought I would share.  After reading all of these, I was reminded to stay in the present moment and remember everything I have, and don't have, and I'm grateful for all and both of them.

1. “At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” — Albert Schweitzer

2. “You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.” — G. K. Chesterton

3. “No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks”. — Unknown

4. “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust

5. “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” — Epictetus

6. “You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

7. “We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder

8. “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” — Albert Einstein

9. “Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” — William Arthur Ward

10. “Take full account of the excellencies which you possess, and in gratitude remember how you would hanker after them, if you had them not.” — Marcus Aurelius

11. “Real life isn’t always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

12. “We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” — Cynthia Ozick

13. “Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner

14. “We can be thankful to a friend for a few acres or a little money; and yet for the freedom and command of the whole earth, and for the great benefits of our being, our life, health, and reason, we look upon ourselves as under no obligation.” — Marcus Annaeus Seneca

15. “When we become more fully aware that our success is due in large measure to the loyalty, helpfulness, and encouragement we have received from others, our desire grows to pass on similar gifts. Gratitude spurs us on to prove ourselves worthy of what others have done for us. The spirit of gratitude is a powerful energizer.” — Wilferd A. Peterson

16. “Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally “count our blessings,” give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.” — Shakti Gawain

17. “Thou that has given so much to me,
Give one thing more–a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise.”

– George Herbert

18. “(Some people) have a wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy.” — A.H. Maslow

19. “If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, that would suffice.” — Meister Eckhart

20. “Find the good and praise it.” — Alex Haley

21. “Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.” — The Hausa of Nigeria

22. “What if you gave someone a gift, and they neglected to thank you for it-would you be likely to give them another? Life is the same way. In order to attract more of the blessings that life has to offer, you must truly appreciate what you already have.” — Ralph Marston

23. “Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.” — Joseph Wood Krutch

24. “The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” — Henry Miller

25. “There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.” — Ralph H. Blum

26. “Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more.” — Brother David Steindl-Rast

27. “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” — Denis Waitley

28. “As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world. ” — Adabella Radici

29. “For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

30. “Grace isn’t a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live. ” — Attributed to Jacqueline Winspear

31. “When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” — Chinese Proverb

32. “Only a stomach that rarely feels hungry scorns common things.” — Horace

33. “But the value of gratitude does not consist solely in getting you more blessings in the future. Without gratitude you cannot long keep from dissatisfied thought regarding things as they are.” — Wallace Wattles

34. “Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.” — Author Unknown

35. “If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner

36. “Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.” — Albert Schweitzer

37. “God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” — William A. Ward

38. “Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.” — John Henry Jowett

39. “Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.” — Christiane Northrup

40.”The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it.” — Richard Bach

41. “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.” — Charles Dickens

42. “Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend… when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present — love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure — the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth.” –Sarah Ban Breathnach

43. “Whenever we are appreciative, we are filled with a sense of well-being and swept up by the feeling of joy.” — M.J. Ryan

44. “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” –Doris Day

45. “Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude.” — Wallace Wattles

46. “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” — Buddha

47. “Two kinds of gratitude: The sudden kind we feel for what we take; the larger kind we feel for what we give.” — Edwin Arlington Robinson

48. “There is a law of gratitude, and it is . . . the natural principle that action and reaction are always equal and in opposite directions. The grateful outreaching of your mind in thankful praise to supreme intelligence is a liberation or expenditure of force. It cannot fail to reach that to which it is addressed, and the reaction is an instantaneous movement toward you.” — Wally Wattles

49. “Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” — Marelisa Fábrega

Be Thankful

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.

Author Unknown

Conclusion

Gratitude shifts your focus from what your life lacks to the abundance that is already present. In addition, behavioral and psychological research has shown that giving thanks makes people happier and more resilient, it strengthens relationships, it improves health, and it reduces stress. Gratitude will change your life for the better.

With health and happiness,

Tracey

GREAT EXPECTATIONS . . .

Usually a thought comes to me when I sit down to start writing.  For some reason today, the saying "In the Spring, a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love" came to mind.  I didn't know the exact quote or who said it so I looked it up.  It's by Alfred Tennyson.  I saw another quote by him that said this,



Which is a perfect way to start talking about this weeks subject.  I had put out two surveys last week, one for the men and one for women, both had the exact same two questions.  The first was what are the top three things you are looking for in a partner?  And, the second question was, do you have any deal breakers?  The responses were interesting.

Out of about 50 men who responded, the word "beauty" or "looks" came up quite often so that seemed to be the most requested in the top 3 things for men with sense of humor probably following second.  Other things men said they were looking for were intelligence, integrity, personality, financially secure, and confidence.  The deal breakers, top was smoking followed by things such as drugs, overweight and bad attitude or complainers.

There were about 20 women who responded and their top things they were looking for were a sense of humor followed by integrity.  Some others were stability, great character and honesty.  Their deal breakers were smoking, destructive behavior (such as addiction and drunk driving) and other things such as mean humor, lack of compassion and lying.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about beauty or what makes someone attractive.  They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Although, I wonder if we are being conditioned to pass someone over that may be great just because they don't fit into what we think is attractive initially without ever getting to know the person.

I work in the beauty business and I can tell you what I tell everyone, it's all smoke and mirrors.  What you see probably isn't what you are getting.  Pictures are airbrushed, makeup and hair can take hours, clothes are pinned to look like they fit like a glove, flaws are pronounced in the beginning to then make the results from the "magical product" look more dramatic, lighting is strategically placed and there are thousands of pictures taken for one print ad or there are multiple takes to get a commercial shot just right.  I remember Cindy Crawford saying even she doesn't look like the image she sees of herself in magazines.

Facebook and Instagram, or social media in general, I call the constant photo op.  You can be a star just by taking thousands of selfies a day.  There's a woman named Jen Setter who, I'm not kidding, takes pictures of her butt every day and she's become a sensation on Instagram.  On Facebook you see all the great pictures of your friends having such a great time and doing things you think you should be doing and you feel bad because you wonder why you aren't so active and happy.

Then, we move on to Tinder.  I admit, I was intrigued and I've gone on there a couple of times.  The longest I lasted was maybe 5 days and the shortest was 1 day.  If you haven't been on before, it's a dating app on your phone and they have it set up like a game.  It's hooked up to your Facebook page somehow and people's pictures come up (what you are looking for as in men or women).  You can either push the heart to "like" them or push the "x" to move on to the next person or, as they call it, swipe right.  If someone else has liked you that you liked, it comes up as a match and then it gives you the option to write them or to "keep playing."  Once you get the hang of it, you do play it like a game and you go through them fast making a split decision whether you like them or not.  Honestly, I think Tinder alone is conditioning our brains to make split second decisions based only on looks.

Listen, I totally get it, we all need to be attracted to someone we want to date.  But, is attraction always physical?  I can tell you I've dated guys that I don't think were conventionally attractive, someone that you would look at and say that they were.  But, I know what I was attracted to after talking to them was their confidence.  If I could tell anyone, man or woman, who is out there dating or looking for a job, the one most intriguing, fascinating draw is someone who possesses confidence.  Not a big ego, but confidence.  It's something we all want so once we see it and feel it from someone, it makes you want to be in their circle hoping that it may rub off or you want to know how you can get it.  Insecurity is probably the most unattractive attribute someone can have.  And, the only person who can give you confidence is you.  It comes from the inside, not from the outside (that being said, being well put together on the outside, can give you more confidence).

I was at the gym the other day after I had read all of the surveys and I was looking around.  Instead of just looking at people, I decided to look at each one and pick something out that I found attractive about them.  One guy it was his arms, another guy was his hair, and so on.  I wondered if we can be conditioned through marketing and social media to just look at the whole and judge people based on a glance, can we condition ourselves to look deeper.  To find something positive we see in each person we meet instead of the negative and walk away with the good stuff?  Can we really take the time to get to know people and base our feelings about them on more than just a glance and on just their physical appearance?

I'd love to hear your thoughts or stories.  You can email me at tmjt26@hotmail.com if you have anything to say or if you want to be a guest blogger.  

Love and happiness,

Tracey

RELATIONSHIP DEATH BY TEXT . . .

I was thinking about what to talk about for my next blog and, it's interesting, every time I wonder . . . something always comes up more than once in a week to let me know that that's it.  This week it's texting.

I said it before in my last blog that I've had relationships start and end just by text.  I've told my 85 year old mom that texting is going to be the death of relationships.  I wonder how many relationships start by text.  Meaning, that maybe you meet someone out and a woman gives a man her phone number or you exchange numbers and after that first initial meeting, the first contact is by text, not a phone call.  If I were just to throw out a guestimate, I would say probably around 80%.

If I were to be honest, I would say that I get it.  It's so much safer to text someone and ask them out or have a conversation hiding behind a phone then actually reaching out to them personally by a phone call.  I think that we think we are protecting ourselves from rejection.  Plus, it's just more convenient.  We can do it when we want to, any time of day.  If someone doesn't respond, we just move on -- or, keep texting.

A couple of stories from just this past week that I've heard.  One girl has been hanging out with a guy who worked on her house and was a friend of a friend for about a year.  Their main form of communication was by text and he came over a couple times to hang out.  They kissed about a week ago and she realized that they were really just friends.  On his end, he thought that it was more.  He started texting her more . . . not calling . . . just texting her continuously.  She now doesn't respond right away, or at all, and he keeps texting.  Therein lies the new conundrum.  Instead of talking it out, it will be a slow "death by text,"  I assume this will go on until he gets that she's not responding and, at some point, he just quits texting.  There's no closure.  He wonders what he did wrong and what happened and she gets out of telling him she just doesn't like him like that.  We think we are avoiding rejection but it actually hurts just as bad, if not more, and it's drawn out for a longer time.

Another girlfriend met a guy online.  They decided to take it offline and give each other their numbers.  The outreach was by text, no phone call.  He had asked her out for Thursday night.  Thursday night comes and, after a great day off of work to spend with her son, she gets a text at 5pm to say that he won't be able to go out.  He said that he just paid his rent and he didn't have any money.  She offered to go out for a walk so they wouldn't have to spend money.  He said it was too cold.  He then texted her that if she had cash, they could go out and she could pay and he would pay the next time (I somehow think he would have never said that in a phone call to her).  She declined.  He then texted her on Saturday morning at 1:30am and said that he had money now and could take her out.  She never responded.  I wonder, if text wasn't available, would any of that have transpired?  And why do people think that it's not ok to call someone at 1:30 in the morning, but it's ok to text?  We can do it in the heat of the moment when we have feelings we want to share and it's a more "safe" way to do it.

I wonder how many stories there are where texting has caused miscommunication?  I know for myself, this has happened multiple times.  Something that I have written that didn't mean anything bad, was taken wrong and then an argument ensued.  I've had it happen on my end, too, when someone has texted me something and they didn't mean anything by it, but I took it wrong and got mad and defensive.  The thing about texting is that you can't hear the infliction in someone's voice.  You read it the way you want to read it.  You can't tell that they are being sincere in what they are writing but you are hearing it in your head in a harsh tone.  I wonder how many relationships have ended because of a text that was taken the wrong way.  Relationship death by text.

It's time for us to start picking up the phone or talking in person and really communicating.  We think with all these avenues to reach each other on our phone and by social media, that we would be more confident in truly communicating with each other.  But, by hiding behind our phones and laptops, we are actually killing real communication.  I'm not sure how to get people to go back other than for both men and women to talk and agree that texting has a certain place in relationships like checking in during the day to say something sweet and not using it to have an argument over. And, if something does get miscommunicated, to pick up the phone right away to then talk it out.

I would love to hear your texting story.  If you would like to share, you can email me at tmjt26@hotmail.com.  I talk from a women's point of view and mostly about women's stories because those are the ones who are sharing with me.  I would love to hear a man's point of view or story.

Have a great week!

Love and blessings,

Tracey

DATING S.O.S.!!

Funny, I was thinking about what to title my first blog here regarding dating and S.O.S. came to mind.  I knew it meant you were in distress and to send help but I had to google it to know what the letters really stood for.  Do you know it really stands for "Save Our Souls"?  How fitting.  I didn't mean to get that deep and it was suppose to be funny, but it just goes to show when something comes up, it usually is for a reason because that's exactly how I feel in the dating world right now.

My name is Tracey and I'm 49 years old.  I'm a single mom to a beautiful 14 year old daughter, Jessie Joy, who is the light of my life.  I had an epiphany when I was chatting with my daughter in October of 2014.  She had told me that there was a boy who she knew wanted to ask her out to date.  My first instinct was to say "no way," but my first question was "what is dating in 8th grade now a days?"  She responded, "Face timing and texting."  So, I told her if that was it, she could "date."  After I thought about it, I realized that at my age and in this new era of technology, that's actually pretty much how dating is for me lately and that we were going through the same thing at the same time -- her at 14 and me at 49.  Gone are the days of meeting someone out, talking to them, flirting a little and then them asking you for your phone number and actually calling you to ask you out for a proper date.  I've had relationships start by text and end by text without ever getting together (and other girls I know, too).  I just recently had a phone relationship with someone that we had a huge number of friends in common on Facebook.  He had reached out to me and we ended up talking . . . all week . . . without him asking me out.  I asked him (which was a little awkward) if he planned on asking me out, otherwise I really didn't have time to just sit on the phone all week and talk.  He said, of course he wanted to ask me out, but he was just trying to get to know me by phone first because he didn't "date."  It ended after one week over a text.  No phone call, just a text.  I can go on and on about stories maybe not exactly like that but close over the years I have been single and dating.  And, I know a plethra of other people going through the same thing.  My friend and I were out last night and a guy was complimenting her and saying how he wanted to go out with her.  She gave him her phone number at the end of the night when he asked, and then they texted for about another hour or so and she was excited about the prospect of a nice guy to go out with.  She looked him up on Facebook and did some investigating and found out he was actually married with one older son by his first wife and two smaller children from a second marriage.  When she had asked him, he said he was divorced with only one kid.  He never knew she found this out and after that texting conversation, he hasn't reached out again.

I know men who have similar dating stories regarding women . . . so this isn't a blog just to talk about how bad men are at dating.  This is an equal opportunity blog!  What I really want to know is in this day and age have we actually created the mess we are in?  With women's rights (and I'm all for them, don't get me wrong), but have women "bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan . . . and never, ever, let you forget you're a man"  . . forgotten that last part?  And, have men forgotten how to be men?  I mean real men . . . respectful men. My mom, who's 85, and I were talking today about dating.  My dad passed away 8 years ago and they were married for 59 years when he passed (they were married at her at 19 and him at 20 years old).  We were talking about how back in the day, men respected women and women respected men.  Now, seeing videos and pictures and lyrics to songs, I wonder do we even most of the time respect ourselves?  And, what are we teaching our kids and the next generation?  One of my daughters male classmates just got brought up on sexual harassment charges last week (he's in 8th GRADE!) because he was grabbing the girls butts! And, the girls hated it but none of them ever said anything until one or two brave souls anonymously told a teacher at the school.  And, what is sad, is that my daughter told me that the kids were mad at the girls they thought it was because they thought they ratted him out!  I know even at my age that girls are taught to giggle it off, not make waves or make things awkward, so we don't say anything.  But, in not saying anything are we really saying it's what we want and that's what guys think?  Look at YouTube videos now a days and listen to lyrics to songs -- especially rap songs (even by the women . . . can you say Nicki Minaj -- and I'm not even that hip and I know).  Women slithering on the ground, wearing suggestive clothes and men throwing money around and calling his women ho's.  And then we wonder why there are so many people out there looking for someone but can't find them.

So, I've decided to start a blog.  I don't know, maybe talking about it and my experiences and others experiences, I can figure something out (not really sure what it is yet, but I'll let you know when and if I do).  I'm going to be sending out surveys to see if I can get answers from both men and women and see what people are really searching for on both sides.  Wish me luck!  Because, if I can figure it out, then maybe I can help you figure it out!

If you want to take the first survey, please go here:  https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TN6XTYS

It's only 7 questions and only takes a couple of minutes.

Love and blessings,

Tracey

*DISCLAIMER:  I know there are a LOT of nice men out there who are very respectful to women, just as there are a LOT of nice women out there very respectful to men.  And, it takes different things to make a relationship.  Just because two people are single doesn't mean they belong together, there has to be mutual attraction to begin with and then it goes on from there.  This is just my way to see if I can help to find out what both men and women are looking for in hopes of maybe gaining some insight into this new, technical, dating world.