I was thinking about what to talk about for my next blog and, it's interesting, every time I wonder . . . something always comes up more than once in a week to let me know that that's it. This week it's texting.
I said it before in my last blog that I've had relationships start and end just by text. I've told my 85 year old mom that texting is going to be the death of relationships. I wonder how many relationships start by text. Meaning, that maybe you meet someone out and a woman gives a man her phone number or you exchange numbers and after that first initial meeting, the first contact is by text, not a phone call. If I were just to throw out a guestimate, I would say probably around 80%.
If I were to be honest, I would say that I get it. It's so much safer to text someone and ask them out or have a conversation hiding behind a phone then actually reaching out to them personally by a phone call. I think that we think we are protecting ourselves from rejection. Plus, it's just more convenient. We can do it when we want to, any time of day. If someone doesn't respond, we just move on -- or, keep texting.
A couple of stories from just this past week that I've heard. One girl has been hanging out with a guy who worked on her house and was a friend of a friend for about a year. Their main form of communication was by text and he came over a couple times to hang out. They kissed about a week ago and she realized that they were really just friends. On his end, he thought that it was more. He started texting her more . . . not calling . . . just texting her continuously. She now doesn't respond right away, or at all, and he keeps texting. Therein lies the new conundrum. Instead of talking it out, it will be a slow "death by text," I assume this will go on until he gets that she's not responding and, at some point, he just quits texting. There's no closure. He wonders what he did wrong and what happened and she gets out of telling him she just doesn't like him like that. We think we are avoiding rejection but it actually hurts just as bad, if not more, and it's drawn out for a longer time.
Another girlfriend met a guy online. They decided to take it offline and give each other their numbers. The outreach was by text, no phone call. He had asked her out for Thursday night. Thursday night comes and, after a great day off of work to spend with her son, she gets a text at 5pm to say that he won't be able to go out. He said that he just paid his rent and he didn't have any money. She offered to go out for a walk so they wouldn't have to spend money. He said it was too cold. He then texted her that if she had cash, they could go out and she could pay and he would pay the next time (I somehow think he would have never said that in a phone call to her). She declined. He then texted her on Saturday morning at 1:30am and said that he had money now and could take her out. She never responded. I wonder, if text wasn't available, would any of that have transpired? And why do people think that it's not ok to call someone at 1:30 in the morning, but it's ok to text? We can do it in the heat of the moment when we have feelings we want to share and it's a more "safe" way to do it.
I wonder how many stories there are where texting has caused miscommunication? I know for myself, this has happened multiple times. Something that I have written that didn't mean anything bad, was taken wrong and then an argument ensued. I've had it happen on my end, too, when someone has texted me something and they didn't mean anything by it, but I took it wrong and got mad and defensive. The thing about texting is that you can't hear the infliction in someone's voice. You read it the way you want to read it. You can't tell that they are being sincere in what they are writing but you are hearing it in your head in a harsh tone. I wonder how many relationships have ended because of a text that was taken the wrong way. Relationship death by text.
It's time for us to start picking up the phone or talking in person and really communicating. We think with all these avenues to reach each other on our phone and by social media, that we would be more confident in truly communicating with each other. But, by hiding behind our phones and laptops, we are actually killing real communication. I'm not sure how to get people to go back other than for both men and women to talk and agree that texting has a certain place in relationships like checking in during the day to say something sweet and not using it to have an argument over. And, if something does get miscommunicated, to pick up the phone right away to then talk it out.
I would love to hear your texting story. If you would like to share, you can email me at tmjt26@hotmail.com. I talk from a women's point of view and mostly about women's stories because those are the ones who are sharing with me. I would love to hear a man's point of view or story.
Have a great week!
Love and blessings,
Tracey
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